One thing that most people will not know when it comes to saving a marriage would be the fact conflict can be good for a relationship. This is one of the few ways to deal with differences, bring people closer and change people’s hearts instead of their circumstances.
Most individuals look at conflict as something to stay away from at all costs. At times, based on the circumstance you might avoid a fight, whilst other times you might strike even before you have enough time to consider it. There are generally two kinds of reactions to conflict, flight or fight. However a third reaction is possible and this is the only correct response to resolve your problems.
Let’s look on fighting first. Whenever offended, an individual might throw things, shout, curse, hit or many responses that show anger in a violent manner. These behavior might be strictly physical, verbal or both, which would be referred to as peace breaking.
A good example of this would if you ask your husband to stop at the supermarket on his way home to get some groceries, but he forgets. If fighting is your typical reaction, you would start to nag him and accuse him of not looking out for your best interest or even care about you. This will be a verbal attack and is one way of fighting.
Now, let’s look on flight which is the second reaction. When upset, an individual might give the silent treatment, pretending that there is no problem, behave as if the relationship is okay, tell other people about the wrongdoing without discussing it with the offender, resort to drugs, alcohol, pornography or other addictive or numbing activity or substance. All of this will be referred to as peace faking.
As an example, if you are upset with your husband and withdraw emotionally, he does not have an idea why you are behaving this way, but he will recognize your distance and this will cause his thoughts to wander.
In the event that he is also a peace-maker, he will also withdraw emotionally and as time passes with some small incidents, both of you will start to complain to other people, spend more time on your own or even worse, start spend time with someone from the opposite sex who seem to understand you better.
Now, the third example would be peacemaking and this will be the only reaction that can resolve a problem since it requires both partners to admit that something is wrong. This means that both of you will get an opportunity to tell your side of the story and this will allow you and your spouse to look at the circumstances from a different perspective. Once you can have a disagreement without getting your own way and also give consideration to your partners feelings, then you will be on your to become a peace maker and be in a better position to save your marriage.
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